Top 5 Awesome: April 2011

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Top 5 awesome foods PETA would love!

Naaah! I was lying! These are the following foods PETA would hate! Cook a batch of these and you might have a bunch PETA protesters flocking in your doorstep. As of now, these animal welfare activists are try to amend a new law on the

Here are the following top 5 awesome foods that requires you to torture its live ingredients in order to prepare it. Eating them is isn't enough, they should first feel the pain!!!

Rocky Mountain Oysters

There goes your balls cow! And also your sex life!

Bull balls - best meat from the cow.

No, this is no seafood that breeds up high on a rocky mountain, rocky mountain oysters are actually North American delicacy made of balls or testicles that were snatched away from a live bull or cow. These balls are can be cooked just like any other meat and believed to be an aphrodisiac.
Bulls are usually kept alive and taken cared of after this process. But without their balls attached between their legs, this simply means no more sex, no more life. Who wouldn't be tortured by that?

Pinikpikan

This chicken can't even recite the fraternity hazing pledges.

This pinikpikan packs more punch than Thai chicken soup (from the chicken's standpoint).

At first, you will think that some chicken just joined the Alpha Sigma Sigma fraternity. But then, after seeing the boiling pot nearby, you will realize that this is more than just a initiation rite, its an execution!
Pinikpikan is a Philippine delicacy prepared by beating a live chicken with a stick prior to cooking. This process bruises the chicken's flesh, making its blood collect into its surface, which is said to improve the chicken's flavor after cooking. The act of beating the chicken violates the Philippine Animal Welfare Act of 1998... but then, who cares? It tastes bloody good! Next chicken please!

Shark Fin Soup

The shark's fins are considered a delicious delicacy, unfortunately no one wants the rest.

As most Chinese waiters ask their costumers... soup fin shark sir?

Shark fin soup is a popular soup item of Chinese cuisine. It was once served only on special occasions but now on the menu of common Chinese restaurants.

The fins of sharks are extracted in a process called finning. Because people are only after the fins, the live shark that is now without fins are a thrown back into the sea. Unlike some balls-less cows who got to live after the mutilation, these bleeding finless sharks sinks into the ocean and dies a very slow death. All that for a soup!

Ikizukuri


If only this fish could commit harakiri...

How to make a sashimi? That's boring! Try ikizukuri! It's more lively... literally.

Japanese are known for their raw fish sushi and sashimi. Still not gross enough? Why not go for ikizukuri? This food preparation involves surgically cutting away the flesh of a live fish in such away it doesn't kill it. While still gasping for breaths, the shredded fish meat is placed back on the poor fish as if the chef wants to reconstruct the dying fish and then serve it customer.
In this way, the fish will have a chance to witness his untimely death. Just because Japanese people practices harakiri, it doesn't mean their fish deserves ikizukuri. Take that fish! Hiyaaaah!

Foie Gras

In some cultures, duck sauce comes first before the butchering.

What is foie gras? Yup, it's a yummy diseased liver.

     French love their ducks. They love them so much that they feed them like tons (duck tons) of food per day.Well, that's what they claim...
     These ducks are actually forced fed everyday through a tube that is forced jammed into their throats. This process id repeated everyday until their liver is fattened up 12 times its normal size. To ensure this abnormal growth rate, these ducks are place into a very tight cage that hinders their mobility and prevent them from doing any form of exercise.
     When the time is right, the ducks are butchered and had their diseased liver harvested. This bloated organ is highly prized among gourmet cooks and eaters.

BONUS: Baby Eel Tofu

Tufo and baby eels... perfect combination!

Is it ma po tofu? Is a korean tofu? No, its Tofu from Hell!!!

Want to perform a magic trick and taste it at the same time? Get some live baby eels into a pot of water. Drop a cold block of tofu and boil the water. Soon, the eels will magically disappear!

What really happened is when the water gets hot, the live eels panics and looks for a colder place. They dig themselves onto the tofu hoping not to get cooked. Because the cooking process is longer than they taught, the live eel inside the tofu will eventually get cooked and served. Now, eat your eels kids!

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Top 5 awesome monsters that can turn you one of them

Here are the following top 5 awesome monsters that were once humans, but now preys on humans. If they can't kill you, they will recruit you...

Aswang

Aswang movie anyone?

     Aswangs are shapeshifting witch monsters that are native to the islands of Philippines. During the day, these evil creatures disguises as one of your friendly neighbors that would gladly talk about the latest gossips on Justin Bieber over a cup of coffee. At night, they could transform into a flying demon and visit you again, not for another cup of coffee but for your heart and liver. They will return again on your funeral wake to chat about Justin Bieber with your other neighbors.
       One variant of these monsters are called "Manananggal". These type of Aswang split themselves from the waist at midnight. The upper half grow wings and fly off to hunt while the lower half just stands their waiting for the other half to come back. Manananggal must however unite their body before the break of dawn because sunlight can kill their separated bodies. There have been some reports that when some manananggal returns from their hunt, these monsters are shocked to find out that their lower half has just been raped by someone. Human rights activists as of now are still confused on how they can address this issue.
      When aswangs are about to die of old age, they will choose someone (preferably a family member) who will take their place. Aswang will then cook a meal out of human liver for their chosen one and they too will soon become an aswang.
      Because of modernization, most people now prefer to go to college, earn a degree and get a decent job rather than live as an aswang. This has led to the near extinction of aswangs and native Justin Bieber fans.

Zombies

If you listen hard enough, you can hear these natzi zombies moaning "jews... jews... jews..."

     Zombies are humans that are infected with a mutated strain of mad cow disease. They develop an uncontrollable appetite for uninfected human flesh and brains. The story of how the first zombie infection went out was still unknown but the method of infection was already been studied. A human can be infected either by zombie bites or having sex with a zombie. Zombie bites accounts 98% of the infection.
     Although zombies are naturally slow and mindless monsters, what they lack in speed and intelligence they make it up with their sheer numbers. An outbreak could easily infect an entire town just like how mullet hair easily dominated the 80's fashion fad.
     Do you that the United States Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (or CDC) has an existing protocol specifically for zombie infection outbreak? Now you know!

Werewolves

A werewolf transformation is nothing like autobots...

      A werewolf or a lycanthrope is a monster that lives generally as an ordinary human but transforms into a fierce wolf-like creature that hunts for human flesh during the night of full moon. A human can became one after being bitten by a werewolf and survives the attack.
      Because they can't control themselves in their wolf form, many responsible werewolves chain themselves inside their house before the full moon appears. This will keep their neighborhood safe and protects their property against house robbers at the same time.
     Irresponsible werewolves however just carelessly sleep on their bed during full moon and wakes up bathed in blood the next day. To protect yourself against irresponsible werewolves, buy yourself some Silver Bullets Mints (see Amazon links at below left). You will no longer have to worry about werewolf attacks when walking alone in some dark alley with those mints in your pocket.

Vampires

Vampirism is cool, classy and hip!

      Vampires are filthy rich monsters that lives on castles and feeds on blood. They only go out at night to hunt because exposure to sunlight could kill them.
     Because living alone in the huge castle is quite boring, they may choose a human companion of the opposite sex (unless they are gay) and bites them not to drink their blood but to turn them into vampires. Newly converted vampires tends to live with the vampires that chose them, just like mail-order brides.
     When vampires are asked what do they think about the last "Twilight" movie. They claim that the movie was inaccurate, crappy and lame because real werewolves don't just transform at will and they are not really that handsome. They also think that werewolves are poor, annoying, uneducated and uncivilized monsters that can't afford to buy their own castle just like zombies and aswangs.
     Damn racists....

Steroid Freaks

Steroid use are for winners. This picture proves it. Look at that smile!

      Even though these Steroid Freaks don't kill humans for food like the other monsters do, what makes them so dangerous is that they pretend to offer to anyone unsuspecting something beneficial for their body. But actually, what they are about to give will turn anyone into a freak just like them. And also they look ugly.
     You will usually find these monsters in gyms roaming around while showing off their over-sized biceps. If you stare at those bulges long enough, it will trigger some sort of hypnotic effect. Next thing you know you will find yourself listening attentively to them about the benefits of using steroids and how to get one. People that are impatient and with low self esteem usually gives in to their convincing powers and buys their products. They too will soon become one and find their own victims.
     What this monsters don't want you to know is that the size of their balls are actually inversely proportional to the size of their muscles. But then, who needs balls when you got biceps like this?

Check out this video...

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Top 5 Awesome War Games

War Games - an activity that lets you experiencing the thrill and challenge of real warfare without the consequence of death. Many people love playing war games especially if it involves shooting their friends. Some people do it for the adrenaline rush, some do it to brag how rich they are with their high-end equipments, and some do it because they simply suck in basketball.

Here are the following top 5 war games played all over the world:

Spitball

You won't spit on me? I'll spit on you then!

Spitball is a small piece of paper, chewed and shaped into a slimy lump, and then blown through a straw to hit a target. Victims usually don't notice that they are being attacked until they felt the wet projectile sticking on their neck. While this activity seems harmless, surprised victims tend to retaliate back in melee mode, taking this war game into a whole new level. This is where the real fun begins.

Laser Tag

See me firing my laser! Weeee!

Laser Tag is a war game activity where players attempt to score points by shooting their opponents with a hand-held infrared-emitting targeting device. In addition to their gay looking guns, players are also required to wear gay looking infrared-sensitive vests that alerts them if they got tagged.
Before the invention of Laser Tag, war gamers held anything that looks like a gun then point to each other while shouting "Pew! Pew! Pew!". Oddly, they still do that even with Laser Tag at hand.

Nerf

Nerf mods are cool!

War games are never complete without projectiles flying around. If you want to play with a gun that actually shoots something and still retains your gayish look, then Nerf is perfect for you. While this hobby wont get you any girlfriends, its a sure way to impress your 5-year old neighbors. For them, you are awesomely cool!

Paintball

Kill a paintball forum moderator and see your account banned...

What so good about paintball is that it shoots balls of guess what... paint! Originally invented by some smart painter who wants to do his job while lying down on a hammock, that dude later found out that its also a fun way of adding hardship to his friends' laundry chores.
There are several theories on how this pranking device later became a popular sport but this one is the most credible. When the American government abolished the use of lead-based paint decades ago, paint manufacturing companies has to find some way on how to dispose their non-compliant paints left unsold in their stock. They made it into balls and promoted some paintball forums and tournaments. This has significantly fueled the popularity of the game and also their pockets.

Airsoft

This pose is for the Airsoft forum... in an actual game play, we run and scream like sissy girls.

Although Airsoft guns shoots only plastic pellets, its realistic look takes Airsoft on the top of this list. Players often play this war game based on military simulation scenarios while wearing realistic military attires. The military are even using this babies on their training exercises.
The best thing about this war game is if you suck in playing, you can make it up with your superior looks. Nothing can make you feel like Rambo like Airsoft does.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Top 5 Awesome Planets Nearest to the Sun

What makes this ranking so awesome is it will remain true for the next thousands of years unless Mars will go off-orbit or some scientist declares that Mercury is no longer qualified to be called a planet anymore. Until then, we will all have to stick to these facts about the planets closest to the sun and go on with our lives.


	Jupiter
		Jupiter is the 5th planet from the Sun and the largest planet within the Solar System. It is a giant gas planet which is composed mostly of hydrogen and helium. Currently, many ambitious businessmen are now working hand-in-hand with some ambitious scientists to find ways to tap the Jupiter's massive supply of helium back here on earth. Many business experts has foreseen that their will be a great increase in demand of helium based party balloons within the next few decades as a result of the ever growing human population. This phenomenon has presented a new and lucrative business opportunity in the future.


	Mars
		Mars is the fourth planet from the Sun and it has half the diameter compared to Earth. The planet is named after its original inhabitants, the Martians, who went extinct thousands of years ago. The surface of Mars mostly consists of iron oxide which gives its reddish appearance.


	Earth
		Earth is the third planet from the Sun and the densest of the eight planets in the Solar System. Home to millions of species including humans, Earth is currently the most populated astronomical body in the solar system. About 71% of the surface is covered with salt water oceans; the rest is land and garbage.


	Venus
		Venus is the second planet from the Sun with size and gravity nearly similar to Earth. The atmospheres of Venus consist of an opaque layer of sulfuric acid cloud and its surface is mostly covered with volcanoes and lava, making it a bad picnic destination.


	Mercury
		Mercury is the nearest planet from the sun and smallest planet in the Solar System. It has a rocky body which consists of approximately 70% metallic and 30% silicate material. When the virgin scientists from NASA are asked what we can benefit from this planet in the near future, most of them responded; "robots with b00b implants". No wonder they got very angry when Obama slashed off the NASA's budget.

I would like to apologize to all fans of Saturn, Uranus and Neptune, my blog is only about the top 5 planets. And to all Pluto fans… I really don’t want to discriminate but please accept the fact that you don’t belong here.