Here are the following top 5 awesome monsters that were once humans, but now preys on humans. If they can't kill you, they will recruit you...
 | Aswang | ||||
| Aswangs are shapeshifting witch monsters that are native to the islands of Philippines. During the day, these evil creatures disguises as one of your friendly neighbors that would gladly talk about the latest gossips on Justin Bieber over a cup of coffee. At night, they could transform into a flying demon and visit you again, not for another cup of coffee but for your heart and liver. They will return again on your funeral wake to chat about Justin Bieber with your other neighbors. One variant of these monsters are called "Manananggal". These type of Aswang split themselves from the waist at midnight. The upper half grow wings and fly off to hunt while the lower half just stands their waiting for the other half to come back. Manananggal must however unite their body before the break of dawn because sunlight can kill their separated bodies. There have been some reports that when some manananggal returns from their hunt, these monsters are shocked to find out that their lower half has just been raped by someone. Human rights activists as of now are still confused on how they can address this issue. When aswangs are about to die of old age, they will choose someone (preferably a family member) who will take their place. Aswang will then cook a meal out of human liver for their chosen one and they too will soon become an aswang. Because of modernization, most people now prefer to go to college, earn a degree and get a decent job rather than live as an aswang. This has led to the near extinction of aswangs and native Justin Bieber fans. | ||||
 | Zombies | ||||
| Zombies are humans that are infected with a mutated strain of mad cow disease. They develop an uncontrollable appetite for uninfected human flesh and brains. The story of how the first zombie infection went out was still unknown but the method of infection was already been studied. A human can be infected either by zombie bites or having sex with a zombie. Zombie bites accounts 98% of the infection. Although zombies are naturally slow and mindless monsters, what they lack in speed and intelligence they make it up with their sheer numbers. An outbreak could easily infect an entire town just like how mullet hair easily dominated the 80's fashion fad. Do you that the United States Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (or CDC) has an existing protocol specifically for zombie infection outbreak? Now you know! | ||||
 | Werewolves | ||||
| A werewolf or a lycanthrope is a monster that lives generally as an ordinary human but transforms into a fierce wolf-like creature that hunts for human flesh during the night of full moon. A human can became one after being bitten by a werewolf and survives the attack. Because they can't control themselves in their wolf form, many responsible werewolves chain themselves inside their house before the full moon appears. This will keep their neighborhood safe and protects their property against house robbers at the same time. Irresponsible werewolves however just carelessly sleep on their bed during full moon and wakes up bathed in blood the next day. To protect yourself against irresponsible werewolves, buy yourself some Silver Bullets Mints (see Amazon links at below left). You will no longer have to worry about werewolf attacks when walking alone in some dark alley with those mints in your pocket. | ||||
 | Vampires | ||||
| Vampires are filthy rich monsters that lives on castles and feeds on blood. They only go out at night to hunt because exposure to sunlight could kill them. Because living alone in the huge castle is quite boring, they may choose a human companion of the opposite sex (unless they are gay) and bites them not to drink their blood but to turn them into vampires. Newly converted vampires tends to live with the vampires that chose them, just like mail-order brides. When vampires are asked what do they think about the last "Twilight" movie. They claim that the movie was inaccurate, crappy and lame because real werewolves don't just transform at will and they are not really that handsome. They also think that werewolves are poor, annoying, uneducated and uncivilized monsters that can't afford to buy their own castle just like zombies and aswangs. Damn racists.... | ||||
 | Steroid Freaks | ||||
| Even though these Steroid Freaks don't kill humans for food like the other monsters do, what makes them so dangerous is that they pretend to offer to anyone unsuspecting something beneficial for their body. But actually, what they are about to give will turn anyone into a freak just like them. And also they look ugly. You will usually find these monsters in gyms roaming around while showing off their over-sized biceps. If you stare at those bulges long enough, it will trigger some sort of hypnotic effect. Next thing you know you will find yourself listening attentively to them about the benefits of using steroids and how to get one. People that are impatient and with low self esteem usually gives in to their convincing powers and buys their products. They too will soon become one and find their own victims. What this monsters don't want you to know is that the size of their balls are actually inversely proportional to the size of their muscles. But then, who needs balls when you got biceps like this? | ||||
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